Lessons to Bully-Proof Your Child
Are you dealing with a child who is the target of bullies? Want it to stop? Of course you do, but are you prepared to do what you must to make that happen?
The reason I ask that question is because the greater majority of people seek solutions, not from within themselves, but from others. They look to other people, places, programs, or even objects as a means to eleviate the pain and frustration that they're experiencing. When the reality is that they probably have everything they need to solve the problem already.
Why then don't they just take care of it?
Good question.
I believe that, to most, the general belief is, it's easier to get someone or something else to fix things. That way, if it doesn't happen or doesn't work, there's no personal responsibility involved.
But, you know what?
There's also no sense of personal satisfaction and pride in accomplishment either.
What does this have to do with helping your child to deal with and overcome the abuse of bullies?
Everything!
You see, most parents are no different in the way they handle the bully issue from what I described above. When seeking a solution to the problem, they look to outside sources rather than taking matters into their own hands.
(No. I don't mean they should go beat up the bully themselves!)
But instead of:
We can look at the reality of the situation and acknowledge that bullying is no different from any other type of attack. And, bullies choose their victims just like any other aggressor.
Really Solving the Problem
Now, I'm not saying that any of the above things don't work. Quite often they do. But, relying on them as a parent only teaches our children that the solution to problems lies outside of themselves and not in their own hands.
It's amazing the lessons we can teach our children without even opening our mouths, isn't it?
So, what can we, as parents, do to help to make our child more safe - to make him or her more of what I call, bully-proof? What can we say or do that could possibly make such a radical shift that in almost no time at all, bullies would leave our child alone and move on to easier pickings?
Excellent question.
I'm glad you asked!
And, the answer, while simple...
...will require some work, and quite likely some change, on your part.
Changing Your CHILD
Very few ever stop to ask, "why is my child being targeted?" And if they do, they overlook the fact that...
...not every child is the victim of a bully. In fact, even if a bully has a number of targets that he or she goes after on a regular basis... there are some people that they never think of approaching.
Why is that?
It's because these people exhibit some common physical habits and personality characteristics. And...
...these traits are exactly opposite of those displayed by the average 'victim.'
If you want your child to see almost immediate results in both how they view themselves AND how they are seen by others - in this case bullies - make them do the following things. (Yes, I said "make" them do them! After all... you ARE the parent, aren't you?)
That's it. A short, but very important list of the only things you need to "make" your child do to change everything. After all, not being a bully's victim has got to be at least as important as wiping after using the toilet, washing before dinner, and saying "please and thank you" - just a few of the many things you probably already make your child do, regardless if they want to or not.
If you do these things, you won't have to talk to a bully's parents, depend on the police or school officials, or ask Dr. Phil. And, I can guarantee three things:
First, within a very short amount of time, your child will experience less and less "attention" from bullies.
Second - he or she will feel VERY different about themselves, their value and self-worth, and what they are capable of. And...
Last but, by all means, not least... they will grow into the kind of man or woman that you will be extremely proud of - not to mention that others will come to know and trust because they will be able to stand up for what they believe in, take care of themselves, and have the strength and ability to help others.
Now tell me the world doesn't need more people like that!
Jeffrey M. Miller is the founder and director of Warrior Concepts International. He teaches his clients the proven and time-tested lessons they need for creating the lives they've always dreamed of living, and the skills necessary for protecting that life. He is the author of several books and articles on self-defense, child-safety, and success. His newest book, "10 Really Stupid Things Parents Do To Place Their Child in Danger - Without Even Knowing It!" is available on his web site at: www.warrior-concepts-online.com/children-safety-parent-10stupidthings-report.html While you're there, subscribe to his online newsletter and enroll in his fr*ee ecourse called, "Foundations of Self-Defense Mastery." He is a much sought-after speaker on the subjects of youth development and child-safety and can be reached through his web site or by calling (570) 988-2228.
Subscribe to my new Kuden Radio Show! The podcast for self-defense & martial arts. Each episode is packed with tons of lessons, pointers, and helpful suggestions for making your world more safe and secure. To download the latest episode, go to http://kuden.mypodcast.com
The reason I ask that question is because the greater majority of people seek solutions, not from within themselves, but from others. They look to other people, places, programs, or even objects as a means to eleviate the pain and frustration that they're experiencing. When the reality is that they probably have everything they need to solve the problem already.
Why then don't they just take care of it?
Good question.
I believe that, to most, the general belief is, it's easier to get someone or something else to fix things. That way, if it doesn't happen or doesn't work, there's no personal responsibility involved.
But, you know what?
There's also no sense of personal satisfaction and pride in accomplishment either.
What does this have to do with helping your child to deal with and overcome the abuse of bullies?
Everything!
You see, most parents are no different in the way they handle the bully issue from what I described above. When seeking a solution to the problem, they look to outside sources rather than taking matters into their own hands.
(No. I don't mean they should go beat up the bully themselves!)
But instead of:
- Talking to the Bully's Parents (who are either the cause of the bullying as bullies themselves, or are in denial because their "baby' would "never" do anything like that...)
- Making School Officials Responsible (as if these people are going to want to choose between a lawsuit from you or one from the bully's parents)
- Changing Schools or Home-Schooling Their Child (as if sheltering the child will make him or her any better prepared for dealing with the adult bullies they'll encounter when they grow up and move out into the big, bad world), or...
- Ask Dr. Phil (or any other "authority" who focuses on the "curing the bully" agenda)
We can look at the reality of the situation and acknowledge that bullying is no different from any other type of attack. And, bullies choose their victims just like any other aggressor.
Really Solving the Problem
Now, I'm not saying that any of the above things don't work. Quite often they do. But, relying on them as a parent only teaches our children that the solution to problems lies outside of themselves and not in their own hands.
It's amazing the lessons we can teach our children without even opening our mouths, isn't it?
So, what can we, as parents, do to help to make our child more safe - to make him or her more of what I call, bully-proof? What can we say or do that could possibly make such a radical shift that in almost no time at all, bullies would leave our child alone and move on to easier pickings?
Excellent question.
I'm glad you asked!
And, the answer, while simple...
...will require some work, and quite likely some change, on your part.
Changing Your CHILD
Very few ever stop to ask, "why is my child being targeted?" And if they do, they overlook the fact that...
...not every child is the victim of a bully. In fact, even if a bully has a number of targets that he or she goes after on a regular basis... there are some people that they never think of approaching.
Why is that?
It's because these people exhibit some common physical habits and personality characteristics. And...
...these traits are exactly opposite of those displayed by the average 'victim.'
If you want your child to see almost immediate results in both how they view themselves AND how they are seen by others - in this case bullies - make them do the following things. (Yes, I said "make" them do them! After all... you ARE the parent, aren't you?)
- Stand Up Straight - Shoulders back and level, back straight, head held high. No slouching. No rounded, stooped shoulders. No head hanging down.
Too soldier-like for you? Let me ask you... when was the last time you looked at a soldier and thought, I bet he gets picked on?! - Make Eye-Contact - Lock on and show people that they're tuned-in and connected. You can always tell the person with the weaker spirit in any conversation or conflict - they break eye-contact first, and many can't make it at all. This is universally true, even in the animal world. Even the way animals, especially mammals, are shaped tells this. Predators have their eyes pointing straight out from their heads - pointing at that which they are observing. Prey, on the other hand, have their eyes mounted on the sides of their heads, to be on the lookout for predators and... ESCAPE ROUTES.
- Speak Up - Slow, firm, articulate speech is the hallmark of the leader - the commander. They have no need to rush, to hide, to seek validation. Their presence is conveyed, not just in the physical traits I've already mentioned, but in the tone of their voices.
They don't whine, cry, squeak, mumble, or go silent and shy in the presence of others. At least not in public. Even introverts can command the right respect. After all, some of our greatest leaders were natural introverts at heart. But... you'd never know it! - Take Martial Arts - You know, somewhere in the course of history and the meek inheriting the Earth (there I go, being direct and politically-incorrect again!), the definition of what a gentleman was... changed. Because, historically, a gentleman (or gentile-man) was NOT gentle. At least not when he needed to act. Gentlemen (and some ladies) were 'required' to know how to defend themselves and those they were responsible for, should the need arise.
That's it. A short, but very important list of the only things you need to "make" your child do to change everything. After all, not being a bully's victim has got to be at least as important as wiping after using the toilet, washing before dinner, and saying "please and thank you" - just a few of the many things you probably already make your child do, regardless if they want to or not.
If you do these things, you won't have to talk to a bully's parents, depend on the police or school officials, or ask Dr. Phil. And, I can guarantee three things:
First, within a very short amount of time, your child will experience less and less "attention" from bullies.
Second - he or she will feel VERY different about themselves, their value and self-worth, and what they are capable of. And...
Last but, by all means, not least... they will grow into the kind of man or woman that you will be extremely proud of - not to mention that others will come to know and trust because they will be able to stand up for what they believe in, take care of themselves, and have the strength and ability to help others.
Now tell me the world doesn't need more people like that!
Jeffrey M. Miller is the founder and director of Warrior Concepts International. He teaches his clients the proven and time-tested lessons they need for creating the lives they've always dreamed of living, and the skills necessary for protecting that life. He is the author of several books and articles on self-defense, child-safety, and success. His newest book, "10 Really Stupid Things Parents Do To Place Their Child in Danger - Without Even Knowing It!" is available on his web site at: www.warrior-concepts-online.com/children-safety-parent-10stupidthings-report.html While you're there, subscribe to his online newsletter and enroll in his fr*ee ecourse called, "Foundations of Self-Defense Mastery." He is a much sought-after speaker on the subjects of youth development and child-safety and can be reached through his web site or by calling (570) 988-2228.
Subscribe to my new Kuden Radio Show! The podcast for self-defense & martial arts. Each episode is packed with tons of lessons, pointers, and helpful suggestions for making your world more safe and secure. To download the latest episode, go to http://kuden.mypodcast.com
Labels: bullies, bully, bullying, child-safety, martial arts for kids, parenting
posted by Jeffrey M. Miller at 7:27 AM
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