Lessons to Bully-Proof Your Child

Are you dealing with a child who is the target of bullies? Want it to stop? Of course you do, but are you prepared to do what you must to make that happen?


The reason I ask that question is because the greater majority of people seek solutions, not from within themselves, but from others. They look to other people, places, programs, or even objects as a means to eleviate the pain and frustration that they're experiencing. When the reality is that they probably have everything they need to solve the problem already.

Why then don't they just take care of it?

Good question.

I believe that, to most, the general belief is, it's easier to get someone or something else to fix things. That way, if it doesn't happen or doesn't work, there's no personal responsibility involved.

But, you know what?

There's also no sense of personal satisfaction and pride in accomplishment either.

What does this have to do with helping your child to deal with and overcome the abuse of bullies?

Everything!

You see, most parents are no different in the way they handle the bully issue from what I described above. When seeking a solution to the problem, they look to outside sources rather than taking matters into their own hands.

(No. I don't mean they should go beat up the bully themselves!)

But instead of:

• Talking to the Bully's Parents (who are either the cause of the bullying as bullies themselves, or are in denial because their "baby' would "never" do anything like that...)
  
  
  
  
• Making School Officials Responsible (as if these people are going to want to choose between a lawsuit from you or one from the bully's parents)
  
  
  
  
• Changing Schools or Home-Schooling Their Child (as if sheltering the child will make him or her any better prepared for dealing with the adult bullies they'll encounter when they grow up and move out into the big, bad world), or...
  
  
  
  
• Ask Dr. Phil (or any other "authority" who focuses on the "curing the bully" agenda)

We can look at the reality of the situation and acknowledge that bullying is no different from any other type of attack. And, bullies choose their victims just like any other aggressor.


Really Solving the Problem

Now, I'm not saying that any of the above things don't work. Quite often they do. But, relying on them as a parent only teaches our children that the solution to problems lies outside of themselves and not in their own hands.

It's amazing the lessons we can teach our children without even opening our mouths, isn't it?

So, what can we, as parents, do to help to make our child more safe - to make him or her more of what I call, bully-proof? What can we say or do that could possibly make such a radical shift that in almost no time at all, bullies would leave our child alone and move on to easier pickings?

Excellent question.

I'm glad you asked!

And, the answer, while simple...

...will require some work, and quite likely some change, on your part.


Changing Your CHILD

Very few ever stop to ask, "why is my child being targeted?" And if they do, they overlook the fact that...

...not every child is the victim of a bully. In fact, even if a bully has a number of targets that he or she goes after on a regular basis... there are some people that they never think of approaching.

Why is that?

It's because these people exhibit some common physical habits and personality characteristics. And...

...these traits are exactly opposite of those displayed by the average 'victim.'

If you want your child to see almost immediate results in both how they view themselves AND how they are seen by others - in this case bullies - make them do the following things. (Yes, I said "make" them do them! After all... you ARE the parent, aren't you?)

• Stand Up Straight - Shoulders back and level, back straight, head held high. No slouching. No rounded, stooped shoulders. No head hanging down.
  
  Too soldier-like for you? Let me ask you... when was the last time you looked at a soldier and thought, I bet he gets picked on?!
  
  
• Make Eye-Contact - Lock on and show people that they're tuned-in and connected. You can always tell the person with the weaker spirit in any conversation or conflict - they break eye-contact first, and many can't make it at all. This is universally true, even in the animal world. Even the way animals, especially mammals, are shaped tells this. Predators have their eyes pointing straight out from their heads - pointing at that which they are observing. Prey, on the other hand, have their eyes mounted on the sides of their heads, to be on the lookout for predators and... ESCAPE ROUTES.
  
  
• Speak Up - Slow, firm, articulate speech is the hallmark of the leader - the commander. They have no need to rush, to hide, to seek validation. Their presence is conveyed, not just in the physical traits I've already mentioned, but in the tone of their voices.
  
  They don't whine, cry, squeak, mumble, or go silent and shy in the presence of others. At least not in public. Even introverts can command the right respect. After all, some of our greatest leaders were natural introverts at heart. But... you'd never know it!
  
  
• Take Martial Arts - You know, somewhere in the course of history and the meek inheriting the Earth (there I go, being direct and politically-incorrect again!), the definition of what a gentleman was... changed. Because, historically, a gentleman (or gentile-man) was NOT gentle. At least not when he needed to act. Gentlemen (and some ladies) were 'required' to know how to defend themselves and those they were responsible for, should the need arise.

That's it. A short, but very important list of the only things you need to "make" your child do to change everything. After all, not being a bully's victim has got to be at least as important as wiping after using the toilet, washing before dinner, and saying "please and thank you" - just a few of the many things you probably already make your child do, regardless if they want to or not.

If you do these things, you won't have to talk to a bully's parents, depend on the police or school officials, or ask Dr. Phil. And, I can guarantee three things:

First, within a very short amount of time, your child will experience less and less "attention" from bullies.

Second - he or she will feel VERY different about themselves, their value and self-worth, and what they are capable of. And...

Last but, by all means, not least... they will grow into the kind of man or woman that you will be extremely proud of - not to mention that others will come to know and trust because they will be able to stand up for what they believe in, take care of themselves, and have the strength and ability to help others.

Now tell me the world doesn't need more people like that!

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Jeffrey M. Miller is the founder and director of Warrior Concepts International. He teaches his clients the proven and time-tested lessons they need for creating the lives they've always dreamed of living, and the skills necessary for protecting that life. He is the author of several books and articles on self-defense, child-safety, and success. His newest book, "10 Really Stupid Things Parents Do To Place Their Child in Danger - Without Even Knowing It!" is available on his web site at: www.warrior-concepts-online.com/children-safety-parent-10stupidthings-report.html While you're there, subscribe to his online newsletter and enroll in his fr*ee ecourse called, "Foundations of Self-Defense Mastery." He is a much sought-after speaker on the subjects of youth development and child-safety and can be reached through his web site or by calling (570) 988-2228.

Subscribe to my new Kuden Radio Show! The podcast for self-defense & martial arts. Each episode is packed with tons of lessons, pointers, and helpful suggestions for making your world more safe and secure. To download the latest episode, go to http://kuden.mypodcast.com

Child Safety:How to Choose the Best Martial Art Or Self-Defense Program For Your Child

One of the most common questions that I get from parents about the subject of child-safety is centered around how to choose the right martial art or self-defense program for their child. Sometimes it even comes as a direct request as to who I would recommend in the area where they live.

Unfortunately, I do not maintain a list of preferred schools around the country that focus on real-world self-defense for children. There are a handful of schools around the world that I am personally affiliated with, but the job of keeping track of what everybody is doing and then setting up a referral system (of people that I would actually send MY own kids to!) would be too daunting at this point.

However, there are some very important key points I'd like to offer that every parent should consider when shopping around for classes for a young child - boy or girl.

5 Key Points For Finding The Perfect Child-Safety and Self-Defense Program For Your Child

1) Be Clear on What You Want. Ask yourself, "what exactly are you looking for?" Are you looking for "Susie" to get a black belt and win some trophies, or are you looking for her to learn real-world self-defense tactics that (and this is important) she can use against a bigger kid or adult attacker on the streets today - not in 16th century Japan, China, or Korea?

Believe me. The answer to this question will be critically important, because it will determine the answers, or even the necessity, of any other questions or considerations that will follow it.

Why? Because we must be crystal clear on the results we want BEFORE we start out on the journey of finding the answers. This is just as true about martial arts and self-defense as it is about the career we choose, the person we marry, or any other life-shattering decision. And, if the decision about child-safety as it relates to your son or daughter is not seen as life-shatteringly important...

...I don't know what is!

That being said, you should understand that my focus is on real-world self-defense, not sport karate or the latest fad in "parent-pleasing-cute-kid" activities. This is true whether we're talking about martial arts in general, the Japanese martial art of Ninjutsu and how it relates to child-safety, or self-defense-street-fighting. So, if you're still reading, I'll assume that you're looking for a good, solid self-defense and child-safety program for your child.

So...

2) Look for Value - not price. That being said, we all understand that having a cardiologist - a specialist - treat us for a heart problem is going to cost more than to have our family doctor do it, right? We know and accept this because we want a specialist, not a general practitioner. And we know that we're not paying for the diagnosis and treatment, right. We're paying for the extra years of training this person went through...

...to be able to make that diagnosis and save our life!

The same is true in the world of martial arts and self-defense training. You can find anyone with a black belt and trained in whatever XYZ martial art to teach your child to do whatever kicks, punches, or martial arts moves of their particular style. You may not find it so easy to locate someone who has the actual practical knowledge and street experience to back up those lessons.

The price issue is for you, and you alone. Is it true that you can find schools and instructors teaching good stuff for less, and commercial schools teaching "feel-good" karate for a ton of money? Of course, but...

When it comes to your child's self-defense, don't skimp here. Even if money is tight, most parents can easily save an extra $20 dollars or so a month (PER child) by just using the McDonald's money they spend and apply that toward class tuition - not to mention the extra gas, fees, and cost associated with Johnny being in all of those extra activities that won't save his life if he needs to! But more on this later.

3) Look for professionals. It's one thing to have real-world experience and quite another to not act like a thug in a classroom full of children. Your child - any student for that matter - needs a teacher who's focused on the student's progress and skill development, not on his or her own ego-gratification.

I know your child is learning to defend his or her self, but that should never be done at the expense of their own safety. Make it a point to arrange to watch a class or two - and not just the beginners. Take note of how the instructors and senior students relate to, and treat one another - both on the mat and off.

4) Don't put this off. It can be difficult doing the leg work, checking out a bunch of schools or instructors, but... remember this. You're not buying a couch or a car.

You're buying self-defense lessons for your child. You're buying him the gifts of future safety, happiness, security, and the ability to protect others of their choosing.

What I mean is... if this is important to you - really important - if your child is important - then don't look through your calendar book trying to figure out when it will fit into your busy schedule.

I hear and see this all the time.

"Well," the parent says, "I just don't know how we're going to fit this in between your two soccer teams, swimming, Scouts, and underwater basket-weaving classes."

Okay, the last one I made up. But you get the idea.

If you wait until you have time, you are also silently hoping that what you fear MIGHT happen, WON'T happen. In essence, you're gambling with your child's safety.

So, don't wait.

And finally...

5) Don't let your child dictate whether or not she will learn to protect herself. Remember, our kids know little-to-nothing about the world. They don't know what dangers are out there. They barely know about the bullies in school and how far those people are willing to go to get what they want.

I talk about this and 9 other mistakes that parents make every day in my book titled, "10 Really Stupid Mistakes Parents Make..." I know that, as parents, we never want our children to be upset at us or to force them to do something they don't want to do. And yet we do it all the time.

We make them clean themselves, eat good food, flush the toilet, learn proper manners, brush their teeth, and even go to school for twelve long years... whether they want to or not.

Why?

Not because "they" want to or will like it. Because we know it's good for them and will make them grow up to be positive, powerful, and productive people in the world.

We didn't give them the option to get those shots when they were babies. Why then, would we give them the option as to whether or not they would learn to be able to stop a mugger, rapist, or bully from harming them?

You know what... I don't know either.

Here's the link to read more about my self-defense book about child-safety called, "10 Really stupid Mistakes Parents Make To Place Their Child In Danger Without Even Knowing It!"

For more information about martial arts for kids, self defense for women, or...

My other books and videos like...

"The Karate-Myth", and...

"Danger Prevention Tactics" DVD

Visit www.warrior-concepts-online.com


Until next time...

Dedicated to Building Strong Kids!

Shidoshi Miller